Expression

Happy New Year?

So, it's Chinese New Year! What should have been the biggest day of the year (or at least one of them) by Asian standards went by unobserved here. It seemed that no one remembered, but I probably just didn't see the people who did. As for me, I had been looking forward to it for a week or so...until yesterday, that is. I totally forgot about it until around 3:30 today! What happened to the celebration!? Well, basically, I was so busy running around finishing my work for classes and then going to them that I barely had time to eat. I thought back to Chinese New Year at home—not eating was NOT an option! When I finally realized it was Chinese New Year, I remembered that I was supposed to call my grandparents in the morning. Well, it was kind of late for that, and I didn't really know what to do because I hadn't been planning on having any breaks before 10, which would have been too late. I ended up making my calls while I was running around campus—one call while I walked to my third of four classes and one after my fourth class on the way to a meeting.

I called my parents after the meeting. I guess it was good to talk to them. My grandmother told my mom that I had called earlier. My mom also relayed to me that my grandmother said to get good grades at school. Where did that come from!? I've always sensed unspoken expectations, but after a while, I began thinking that I was just imagining them and placing expectations on myself. To actually hear that... I guess it was just a bit of a shocker. I don't know what to make of it, really; it's not like my grandparents know what grades I get anyway (as far as I know). If I do go to Mississippi for spring break, it sounds as if my parents are going to be okay with it. I told my dad I was thinking about it while I was home for winter break, and I told my mom over the phone today. I was expecting her to be really disappointed that I was missing my dad's birthday; she mentioned it, but she also sounded as if she thought the trip would be a good experience. Praise God!

After I called my parents, I went to practice horn. It was getting late, and besides me, only the Vespers team was there. They've been there before, but today I just got thinking about what exactly I'm doing in music and how I fit in. They were all together in one room, and there I was by myself. I guess today was a bit of a lonely day. Not that they're exclusive or do anything to even suggest racial prejudice, it had nothing to do with them; I just began to wonder... I have enough trouble trying to figure out what it means to be an Asian-American Christian; add musician to that, and I really wonder about my place in the world! I've never really wanted to professionally perform or record, but if I ever wanted to, could I?

:: redeemed4hisglory @ 11:42 PM :: (0) comments

purpose

The creation of this blog is really a product of my feeling overwhelmed by issues that I feel unable or hesitant to express in conversation. This blog will be dedicated to racial issues. Some things will just be personal struggles that I face as I seek to find what it means to be an Asian-American Christian, and other things will be more relevant to Christians in general as (hopefully) we are seeking to be one in Christ, the Head of the Body.

Oftentimes, I see minorities pointing out racial barriers and calling other people to break them down. At the same time, however, I find myself hiding behind these barriers instead of doing my part in tearing them down. So, we want to be understood, we want people to meet us where we're at? I'll admit I haven't made that easy, so here's my attempt at changing that.

EDIT (05.29.06): Since nearly two and a half years have passed since I created this blog, I see my purpose as rather idealistic. Quite frankly, I'm not sure I am really attempting to accomplish anything anymore through this blog besides giving voice to my own struggles and hopefully at times stumbling across some bit of truth in the midst of chaos. So, welcome to my journey of finding what it means to be an Asian-American Christian; these are reflections on my life and my experiences, and my hope is that in they will shed light on larger issues in a way that somehow fosters growth and healing.

:: redeemed4hisglory @ 10:47 PM ::