Expression

church stuff from 04.19.06

I'm not sure I've ever been quite so aware of how my cultural background affects my understand what is Christian (Christ-like). This evening, instead of regular choir and orchestra rehearsal, the choir and orchestra met with some of the church elders to discuss the interim music and worship pastor. I am used to keeping opinons, especially criticisms, to myself, so I was left rather disheartened by hearing people express themselves, including serious "concerns," for nearly an hour and a half. As I walked out, I couldn't really make sense of what had happened in the meeting. What was the point?? It seemed like a bunch of stuff that didn't really need to be said, but then I remembered that for many people, the opportunity to be heard is necessary in order for them to feel validated. That complicates things because I had a hard time seeing Christ in the meeting, but given that observation, I guess allowing people the opportunity to speak when doing so communicates to them that they are of worth is a means of demonstrating the love of Christ.

With that said, acknowledging that anything I have to say may reflect total lack of cultural understanding, here are my reflections on this evening's meeting. While people acknowledged the strengths of the pastor and shared about ways in which he has blessed them during his time, the bulk of the meeting was spent on "concerns," and while I realize that people have both strengths and weaknesses and both must be addressed in a proper assessment, some things just struck me as odd and unconstructive. People would say that they loved Daniel but... That didn't make sense to me. It struck me as shallow, maybe even duplicitous...or something. I'm not even sure why that bothered me because I understood what they meant, and I'm sure I've said similar things before (I like so-and-so as a person but not so much as a...), maybe it was the word "love," maybe it was because we were at church. At one point someone used the phrase "in defense of Daniel..." If the person felt she needed to "defend" Daniel, was there a perceived attack? That left me thinking, "What's going on here? This isn't supposed to be an attack, but something's not right." Some people expressed their concerns in church language. "Outreach"𔄤people used to come to the church because they liked the music, but now it's all slow and lifeless. Others basically didn't think Daniel was adequately competent or talented. All that to say, tonight, I heard talented musicians wanting a leader more suited to their style; I did not hear the body of Christ. The body of Christ is not duplicitous and does not attack its own members.

We started talking about Daniel's strengths and then we moved on to people's concerns. By the end I had one nagging question: how many people would actually be willing to put in the effort to build Daniel up?? People talked about how he didn't give them what they needed to be better musicians. They talked about how his passion has dwindled to nothing since he's been here. People suggested decreased confidence and uncertainty about his role (because another person stepped in to do Easter). NO ONE mentioned ways of boosting Daniel's confidence. NO ONE said anything about working harder as musicians so that they could give more when Daniel didn't command it from them. NO ONE encouraged others to be more passionate in their music because conductors feed off of those their musicians as much as the musicians feed off the conductor. Yeah, yeah, so why didn't I?? Because I have no confidence (at least not in that setting...blame the violin, but that's another story)... And because I didn't think of it until after the meeting... The teacher side of me says that it's not an issue of talent because people can be taught if they are nurtured. I've taken conducting classes; I've seen people improve significantly (myself included—talk about starting out expressionless with boring beat patterns). The thing is that people saw Daniel's passion when he started; if we can help him get that back and then build him up so that he only gets better from there, I think he can be the director that people want him to be. I'm not sure people are willing to give him a chance, though; a couple people were mentioning wanting another person to come back, and one even said that probably 99% of the people would agree that this other person should come back. I'm kind of concerned about the outcome of the situation, but I think I'll be leaving around the same time the interim contract ends (also why I feel I shouldn't have much input)...meaning I won't have to deal with the aftermath. Heaviness.

:: redeemed4hisglory @ 11:42 PM ::